Tuesday, January 1, 2013


With more than a little nod to
who filled the void for decades and
who continue to help make my life worth living

Lou Costello
[LC]: Heeeyyy A-bbott!  
Bud Abbott [BA]: What d’ya want, Costello?
LC: I want to know how your mindfulness class went.
BA: The mindfulness class went all day. And I’m very pleased to say---I now have no-mind.

LC: Is that good?

BA: Good? It’s wonderful! Having no-mind is something I've always wanted. Mind you, there is so much I've had to stop doing in order to achieve this state of no-mindedness.

LC: You keep saying to me that I have no mind, Abbott.

BA: That’s true. You have absolutely no mind at all. You’re just a lazy, stupid idiot, Costello. 

LC: Thanks, Abbott. But at least I didn’t need to go to mindfulness class to learn that.

BA: You don’t understand, Costello. There’s a whole world of difference between having no-mind and being stupid. I have no-mind. You’re just plain stupid.

LC: You have no mind but you’re not stupid?

BA: Exactly.

LC: How can you have no mind and not be stupid?

BA: It’s easy. Having no-mind means you have attained wisdom and enlightenment. When you have no-mind you are a whole person.

LC: A hole what? How can a person be a hole?

BA: Look, Costello, a person is not a hole, but a person can be whole, if they have, er, no-mind.

LC: A person is, er, hole if they have no mind?

BA: Exactly.

LC: I don’t even know what I’m talking about!

BA: That’s all there is to it. Having no-mind is being whole---and empty. Then it’s full.

LC: How can it be both empty and full at the same time?

BA: Easy. It just happens---when there’s no thought.

LC: No thought of what?

BA: What's on second---we're not talking about him. Costello, I have no thought of anything. I have no-mind because my mind is mindfully empty---that’s why it’s full.

LC: You just said you have no mind, so how can something that doesn’t exist be both full and empty at the same time?

BA: A mindful mind is a mind of no-mind, Costello.  That’s the only sort of mind worth having---mindful and empty.

LC: Mind full---and empty?

BA: Exactly. Full of no-thing.
LC: Here we go again!
BA: Don’t get excited, Costello. You have no mind, which is why you’re stupid. I, on the other hand, have no-mind, which is why I’m not stupid.
LC: How is it that you’re not stupid, even though you have no mind?
BA: It’s simple. My mind has gone.

LC: You’re telling me! Gone where?
BA: Just gone.
LC: If it’s gone, it must have gone some place, Abbott!
BA: Look, Costello, a mind is gone when it’s fully present.
LC: How can it be gone and fully present at the same time?
BA: That’s how it happens. A mind is gone when it stays fully present in the now. Then it’s an empty mind of no-mind.
LC: How can a mind be a mind and no mind at the same time?
BA: It’s simple. A mind is no-minded when it’s gone, that is, when it is fully engaged in being here and now.

LC: Engaged to who?

BA: Just engaged. Who is on first---we're not talking about him.

LC: If you’re engaged, you got to be engaged to somebody, Abbott!

BA: Look, Costello. I am not engaged, it’s just my mind that’s engaged.

LC: How can a mind be engaged?

BA: A mind is engaged when it is … ah … present.

LC: An engagement present?

BA: Talk sense, Costello!

LC: How can a mind be a present?

BA: Look, Costello. A mind is not a present. It is just … ah … present, but only when it is gone.

LC: Here we go again!

BA: I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Costello. We talk and talk but it gets us nowhere. You just have no mind at all.

LC: Then I’m exactly like you.

BA: You’re nothing of the kind. I have no-mind, but you’re just mindless---and stupid.

LC: But you’re not?

BA: Exactly. I have no-mind because I’m mindful.

LC: Listen, Abbott, how can your mind be full if you have no mind?

BA: Get outa here, Costello!


Important Note---and Grateful Acknowledgments
The licensable images of Abbott and Costello, the routine ‘Who's on First’ and other routines and materials of and by Abbott and Costello are controlled material of the Estates of the Late Bud Abbott and the Late Lou Costello. All rights reserved. The routine presented in this post has been written by Ian Ellis-Jones as a homage to Abbott and Costello and is presented here for entertainment, nonprofit and non-commercial purposes only. There is no intention to infringe copyright or any other controlled material. This post, and the blog site itself, are solely for informational and educational purposes that are entirely nonprofit and non-commercial in nature, intent and actuality.

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