‘Relieve me of the bondage of self …’ — from Chapter 5
of the book Alcoholics Anonymous (the
‘Big Book’ of AA).
There’s nothing like fairy tales
for telling it like it really is. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is one of the best. It depicts just how terrible
it is to be in bondage to self.
An old queen sits sewing at an
open window during a winter snowfall. She pricks her finger with her needle. Three
drops of blood fall onto the snow on the ebony window frame. The queen admires
the beauty of the red on white. ‘Oh, how I wish that I had a daughter that is
as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as that wood of the
window frame,’ she says to herself. Shortly thereafter, the queen indeed gives
birth to a baby girl as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and with hair as
black as ebony. Snow White is her name. Then the old queen dies. A new era begins.
A year later, the king marries
again. His new wife—the new queen—is beautiful but also wicked and terribly vain.
As in other fairy tales such as Cinderella
and Hansel and Gretel we have the
familiar appearance of an evil stepmother. It makes you wonder if there are any
nice stepmothers out there! Of course, there are plenty of them—nice ones, that
is—but never, it seems, in fairy tales. The new queen has a magic mirror. Every
morning she turns to the mirror and asks, ‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s
the fairest in the land?’ The mirror always replies, ‘You, my Queen, are the
fairest in the land.’ This new queen is very much involved with herself.
Indeed, she is in total bondage to herself. Far too many of us are like her. It’s
a terrible predicament to be in, for there is no joy being in bondage to self.
Time passes. Snow White is now
aged seven. She is very beautiful and much more beautiful than her stepmother,
the new queen. So, when the stepmother queen asks her magic mirror, it responds,
‘My Queen, you are the fairest here so true. But Snow White is a thousand times
more beautiful than you.’ This comes as a great shock to the queen, to put it
mildly. Funny, isn’t it? We only like to hear what we want to hear. The stepmother queen becomes yellow and then green
with envy. Her heart turns against Snow White. Indeed, with every following day
she hates Snow White more and more. So, the stepmother queen orders a huntsman
to take Snow White into the deepest woods and kill her. She orders the huntsman
to return with Snow White’s lungs and liver. That way, she will know for sure
that Snow White is finally dead. The huntsman takes Snow White into the forest but
is unable to kill her. He leaves her behind alive. ‘She will be eaten by some
wild animal,’ he says to himself. Instead, he brings the stepmother queen the
lungs and liver of a young boar, which is prepared by the cook and eaten by the
queen. (This is an unsuccessful attempt on the queen’s part to relieve herself
of her bondage to self.
Snow White wanders through
the forest for some time. Eventually, she discovers a tiny cottage which belongs
to a group of seven dwarfs. (In sacred numerology—that is, in myths, fairy tales,
sacred literature and so on—the number ‘seven’ represents such things as fullness, individual completeness (the number ‘twelve’ representing corporate
completeness), the perfection of the human soul and grace. It is
considered to be the divine number and thus the most spiritual of all numbers.
Read the Bible and the sacred texts and you will see that I am right on that.
No one is at home in the dwarfs’
cottage. So, Snow White decides to eat something, drink some wine and then test
all the beds. Finally, the last bed is comfortable enough for her and she falls
asleep. In due course, the seven dwarfs return home and discover Snow White asleep. (Life is very much trial and error. We experiment and we
experience.) The dwarfs come home and find Show White there. She wakes up and
explains to them what happened. The dwarfs take pity on her, saying: ‘If you
will keep house for us, and cook, make beds, wash, sew, and knit, and keep
everything clean and orderly, then you can stay with us, and you shall have
everything that you want.’ (A bit old-fashioned, that. Where are the
feminists?) The dwarfs warn Snow White to be careful when alone at home and not
to let anyone in when they are away in the mountains during the day.
Meanwhile, the stepmother queen
asks her mirror once again: ‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest in
the land?’ The mirror replies, ‘My Queen, you are the fairest here so true. But
Snow White beyond the mountains at the seven dwarfs is a thousand times more
beautiful than you.’ The queen is livid. She realises she was betrayed by the
huntsman. Worse still, Snow White is still alive. All the stepmother queen can
think of is how to get rid of Snow White. So, she disguises herself as an old
peddler, walks to the cottage of the dwarfs, and offers Snow White colourful,
silky laced bodices. She convinces Snow White to take the most beautiful bodice
as a present, then she laces it so tight that Snow White faints. The queen
leaves her for dead. However, the dwarfs return just in time and Snow White
revives when the dwarfs loosen the laces.
Next morning, the stepmother queen
consults her mirror again. Shock, horror! She is told that Snow White is still
alive. The queen is incensed. She is aflame with rage and hatred. She decides
to dress up as a comb seller and pays Snow White a visit. She manages to
convince Snow White to take a pretty comb as a present and proceeds to brush
Snow White's hair with the comb. Unfortunately, the comb is poisoned. Snow
White faints again but is revived by the dwarfs. The next morning the mirror
tells the queen that Snow White is still 'a thousand times more beautiful' than
the queen. The queen is now apoplectic with rage. She makes a poisoned apple and,
in the disguise of a farmer's wife, she offers it to Snow White, who is at
first hesitant to accept it, so the queen cuts the apple in half, eats the
white harmless part, and gives the red poisoned part to Snow White. (I am a bit
like Snow White. I can resist anything except temptation.) Snow White takes a
bite of the apple—the poisoned part—and falls into a state of suspended
animation. This time the dwarfs are unable to revive the girl because they
can't find the source of Snow White's poor health and, assuming that she is
dead, they place her in a glass coffin.
A prince travelling through the
land sees Snow White. He strides to her coffin and, enchanted by her beauty,
instantly falls in love with her. The dwarfs succumb to his entreaties to let
him have the coffin, and as his servants carry the coffin away, they stumble on
some roots. The tremor caused by the stumbling causes the piece of poisoned
apple to dislodge from Snow White's throat, awakening her. The prince then
declares his love for her, and soon a wedding is planned. The couple invites
every queen and king to come to the wedding party, including Snow White's
stepmother. Meanwhile, the queen, still believing that Snow White is dead,
again asks her magic mirror who is the fairest in the land. The mirror says:
‘You, my Queen, are fair so true. But the young queen is a thousand times
fairer than you.’
The stepmother queen reluctantly accepts
the invitation to attend the wedding. Why? Well, call it fate, karma or
destiny. We cannot escape our destiny. A pair of glowing-hot iron shoes are
brought forth with tongs and are placed before the queen. She is forced to step
into the burning shoes and to dance until she drops dead.
Well, what are we to make of all
this? I have already given you a few clues above. Remember, this is my take on
the fairy tale.
The story begins with the old
queen who has a vision of a beautiful, joyous human being. Such a person will
have overcome their bondage to self. He or she is enlightened, so to speak. Of
course, we don’t become such a person overnight, and the path to becoming a
fully functioning human being is fraught with difficulties. Inside each of us
are hundreds of little, false selves in the form of our many likes, dislikes, opinions,
beliefs, attachments and aversions. The process of dis-identifying with self is
never easy. The new queen appears. Unfortunately, she is very vain and proud,
and she seeks to use selfish powers and wisdom for her own entirely selfish
purposes. As I see it, the new queen represents any one or more of our false
selves which we mistakenly believe are the person
that we are. The seven dwarfs symbolise different aspects or facets of the person each of us is. For example, among
others there’s Happy, and Sleepy, and Bashful, and Dopey. The latter is especially me! Anyhow, take your pick.
One thing to remember. These ‘dwarfs’ are very
important and they can help you and me. They are all facets of the spiritually developing
person.
The spiritually developing person
Snow White, like you and me, is attacked in various ways. Of course, our worst
enemy is ourselves—that is, our ‘selves’. The task for each one of us is to
overcome the bondage of self. Ultimately, as I’ve said over and over again, we
need a power-not-ourselves (that is, a power-not-our-false-selves’) to be
relieved of the bondage to self. In the fairy story of Snow White and the seven
Dwarfs that power comes in the form of the prince.
The stepmother queen is a graphic representation
of all our inner demons—our unruly passions, hates, aversions and attachments.
Our ego-self, if you like. It is a
paradox of immense proportions that, for something which has no separate, independent
existential reality of its own, the ego-self causes us so much damn trouble?
Why? Because we let it.
The ego-self has to be thrown off-centre, and if we
wish to be truly happy we must give up all things that stand in the way of our
spiritual development—things like bad habits, obsessions, addictions, hatreds
and resentments. In fact, all forms of self-obsession. Norman Vincent Peale (pictured left), who
for 32 years was the senior minister of Marble
Collegiate Church in New York City, wrote in his book Sin, Sex and Self-Control (Doubleday,
1966) that each of us must experience ‘a shift in emphasis from self to
non-self’. However, there’s a problem. Self cannot overcome the problem of
self. The ‘self that tries to overcome self’ is just one more self, having no
power in and of itself. In my many blogs and other writings I have quoted often
these immortal words of William
Temple, a former Archbishop of
Canterbury: ‘For the trouble is that we are self-centred, and
no effort of the self can remove the self from the centre of its own
endeavour.’ What this means is that each of us needs to find a power-not-our-false-selves
to overcome the problem of self and bondage to self. In one of his memorable
so-called ‘Zen sayings’ Jesus said that we must lose our ‘selves’ in order to find
ourselves (cf Mk 8:35). So true.
Snow White—the real person
each one of us is—wanders from the path that leads to being a fully functioning
human being. The illusory power of our false selves can and does cause that to
happen. Eventually, she comes to see the false as false and the real as real.
The prince opens her eyes to what is real. Experience, and trial and error, can
do that. So, can mindfulness, that is, living with choiceless awareness of what
is.
When we practise mindfulness, we learn, bit by bit, to
dis-identify with our false selves. It may be our angry self, our resentful
self or our frightened self. We learn to give those selves no power. They are
not the person that we are. They are images in our mind which we have created
over time. Yes, they are quite persistent and, if we allow them to dominate and
take over, they can almost come to define the person that we are. However, they
are never, never, never in truth the person that we are. You and I are persons
among persons. Live as such. Overcome the bondage to self. No effort of the
self can do that, but you, the person
that you are, is power-other-than-self. Only the latter is real.
I will finish with these words from G K Chesterton. In his book Orthodoxy, in the chapter titled ‘The Maniac’, Chesterton wrote, ‘How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it … .' Indeed.
I will finish with these words from G K Chesterton. In his book Orthodoxy, in the chapter titled ‘The Maniac’, Chesterton wrote, ‘How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it … .' Indeed.
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