Showing posts with label Twelve Step Programs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Twelve Step Programs. Show all posts

Sunday, June 12, 2016

LET THE PAST STAY IN THE PAST

There’s a great saying—actually, there are many of them—that one hears regularly in twelve step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous. It is this---‘Let the past stay in the past.’

Here’s a little story that I like. An old Chinese farmer was walking along a road. He had a stick across his shoulder, and hanging from the stick was a pot filled with soybean soup. The old farmer stumbled and the pot fell to the ground, breaking into many pieces, with the result that the contents of the pot spilled out all over the road. The farmer kept walking, unperturbed.

A man rushed up to the farmer and said excitedly, ‘Don’t you know that your pot just broke? Why didn’t you turn around and take a look?’ The old farmer replied, ‘Yes, I know that. I heard it fall. The pot’s broken. The soup is gone. But what can I do about it? Nothing.’

There’s a saying, not from twelve-step programs, that says pretty much the same thing---‘It’s no use crying over spilled milk.’

Things go wrong in life. Shit happens. We all stuff up from time to time. The past cannot be changed, although some things can be made good. No amount of worry will change the past. Let it stay in the past. I love this quatrain from The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyám:

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.

The past is gone. It exists only as a present memory or hurt. Let it go. Don’t be like Lot’s wife in the Book of Genesis. She was told not to look behind her, lest she be swept away. She chose to look back, and she became a pillar of salt.


So, dear friends, let the past stay in the past. And when I say the past I am referring not only to past occurrences, events and happenings but also to all our negative ‘hangovers’ from the past in the form of such things as bad memories, regrets and resentments. Be done with them all, if you want peace of mind. Don't look back. 

I will finish with these words from Elmer Rice’s play Dream Girl:

If you can make a dream come to life, grab hold of it. But if it dies on you, roll up your sleeves and give it a decent burial, instead of trying to haul the corpse around with you.


RELATED POSTS







Monday, December 21, 2015

WHAT HAPPENS AFTER ENLIGHTENMENT?

'If you can't find the truth [that is, enlightenment] right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?' 

They are the words of Dōgen (1200-1254) [pictured right], the founder of the Sōtō school of Zen in Japan and the original establisher in Japan of traditional sitting zen.

You don’t need to go to some remote place, or travel to Nepal or Tibet, or wear saffron robes, or meditate to for intolerably long periods of time, in order to achieve enlightenment. It can happen right where you are now, even in the middle of a busy street.

Actually, enlightenment is not something you ‘achieve’ or ‘gain,’ whatever those words mean. Enlightenment happens freely, and more-or-less instantaneously and of its own accord, when you remove the obstacles to its manifestation. 

First and foremost among those obstacles is self-will---indeed, the very notion of ‘self’ itself. The ‘self’ that wants to be enlightened is the very same ‘self’ that prevents it from happening. All your ‘selves’ are mental constructs. They wax and wane with more-or-less continuous regularity, although some are more persistent than others. The latter are the ones that tend to cause us so much suffering and misery—for example, the ‘insecure self’, the ‘frightened self’ and the ‘angry self’. You are on the path to enlightenment when you come to understand that all your mind-generated ‘selves’ --- there are literally hundreds and thousands of them --- are illusory in the sense that they have no separate, independent or permanent existence in and of themselves. None of them are the real person that in truth you are.

Temple on Mount Takao (Takaosan), in the city of Hachiōji, Tokyo, Japan.
Photo taken by the author.

What, then, does it mean to become, and to be, enlightened?

Being enlightened means doing away with self-delusion---indeed, doing away with all illusions, beliefs, opinions and dogmas. All of those things prevent you from living fully in the now. I like these words of the third Chán (Zen) patriarch Seng-T'san (529-606 CE) [pictured left]: 

'Do not seek the truth, cease to cherish opinions.' 

Are you prepared to give up all of your illusions, beliefs, opinions and dogmas? It’s not easy but it is possible. By the way, giving up beliefs, opinions and dogmas will not prevent you from affirming the truth of convictions in the nature of self-evident truths or what may be called axiomatic eternal verities. We all need values, but they must be objectively based and not a matter of subjective belief.

Only an enlightened person is truly free---free from self-bondage, free from self-will run riot, free from beliefs, dogma and superstition, and free from the past and all conditioning. The Buddha said, ‘Once a person is caught by belief in a doctrine, they lose all their freedom.’ Yes, they're in bondage -- self-bondage -- to the 'believing self'. 

One more thing. If you---like millions of so-called religious people---are seeking some supposed 'reality,' whether in this life or in some supposed life to come, ‘promised’ or preached by others, then you are definitely not in an enlightened state of consciousness. Enlightenment, in two words, means this---'Wake up!' And it helps to stay awake, too. From moment to moment. 

A pupil said to his Zen master, ‘Master, what happens after enlightenment?’ The master replied:

'Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water; after enlightenment chop wood, carry water … but no longer trip over things at night.'

In other words, you do the same things that you did before but you ‘no longer trip over things at night’. Of course, that is metaphorical language, but I think you understand what is being said. The things that worried you before no longer do. You don’t become perfect. You may still get angry from time to time, but your anger will be controlled and directed at things about which we should be angry -- things such as the ever-growing gap between the rich and the poor, religious extremists and climate change skeptics.

There’s a saying in twelve-step programs, ‘It’s not the really big things that trip us up, it’s the broken shoe laces.’ That’s so very true. Enlightenment means that the broken shoe laces of life---again, that’s metaphorical language---don’t trip us up as often.



RELATED POST




Friday, September 26, 2014

MINDFULNESS MEDITATION CAN HELP REDUCE ADDICTION RELAPSE RATES


‘Self-centred attention and activity, positively or negatively, is the cause of strife and pain. ... We know how the self is built up and strengthened through the pleasure and pain principle, through memory, through identification, and so on. ... Is not craving the very root of the self? ...’ 
J. Krishnamurti.


A new study strongly suggests that mindfulness can be effective in preventing relapses of drug and alcohol abuse, by helping people understand what drives cravings and better deal with the discomfort created by cravings.

Researchers at the University of Washington studied 286 people who had successfully completed a substance abuse treatment program, and randomly assigned them to one of three groups: mindfulness meditation, a 12-step program, and a traditional relapse-prevention program.

The researchers found that a treatment program that incorporates mindfulness meditation was more effective in preventing relapses over the long term, compared with traditional addiction treatment approaches. One year after treatment, about 9 per cent of participants in the mindfulness program reported drug use, compared with 14 per cent of those in a 12-step program, and 17 per cent in a traditional relapse-prevention program.

About 8 per cent of participants in the mindfulness program also reported heavy drinking after one year, compared with about 20 per cent in the other two groups. The findings were published online on March 19, 2014 in the journal JAMA Psychiatry.

Researcher Dr Sarah Bowen [pictured left] noted about 11 per cent of people in the United States with substance abuse problems seek treatment annually, and between 40 to 60 per cent relapse. Many traditional relapse prevention programs include a 12-step program that emphasizes abstinence. Others are based on cognitive-behavioural therapy.

For my part, I don’t think I would ever have recovered from alcoholism without the 12-step program and fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have sung its praises on my blog on quite a few occasions. I will continue to do so. Since my recovery I have embraced mindfulness. I strongly recommend a combination of the two when it comes to overcoming addiction, as well as seeking advice and assistance from health care professionals when necessary. Mindfulness is meditation, and the practice of meditation is consistent with the 12-step ‘philosophy’ which (in step 11) refers to the need to engage in ‘prayer and meditation.’ After all, it’s a spiritual program.

Addiction is a physical, mental, and spiritual disease. As respects the latter, the real bondage is to self. As Bill Wilson [pictured right], co-founder of AA, put it, ‘Selfishness--self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.’ And as I’ve said many times, only a power-not-oneself can free the addict from bondage to the self. The self can’t do that, because it is the damn problem. I often quote these wonderfully insightful words from Archbishop William Temple: ‘For the trouble is that we are self-centered, and no effort of the self can remove the self from the centre of its own endeavour.’ So true.

Mindfulness is a powerful proven means of breaking down the bondage of self. Mindfulness is true meditation because it is the most natural form of meditation and the only one that keeps you in direct and immediate contact with what is. ‘True meditation,’ wrote the Indian spiritual philosopher J. Krishnamurti, ‘is not self-expansion in any form. ... Only through your own strenuous awareness is there the comprehension of the real, the permanent.’



Resource: Bowen S, Witkiewitz K, Clifasefi S L, Grow J, Chawla N, Hsu S H, Carroll H A, Harrop E, Collins S E, Lustyk M K, and Larimer M E. ‘Relative Efficacy of Mindfulness-Based Relapse Prevention, Standard Relapse Prevention, and Treatment as Usual for Substance Use DisordersA Randomized Clinical Trial.’ JAMA Psychiatry. 2014; 71(5):547-556. doi:10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2013.4546.



RELATED POSTS



IMPORTANT NOTICE: See the Terms of Use and Disclaimer. The information provided on this blogspot is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your medical practitioner or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on this blogspot. For immediate advice or support call Lifeline on 13 1 1 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. For information, advice and referral on mental illness contact the SANE Helpline on 1800 18 SANE (7263) go online via sane.org  





Saturday, December 14, 2013

HOW TO USE MINDFULNESS TO HANDLE EMOTIONS


At the outset, I need to say that any concept of ‘using’ mindfulness for this or that purpose is, well, misplaced. One doesn’t really ‘use’ mindfulness at all. Mindfulness just is. And what is it? A reality that lies beyond words. A reality that is not words. Enlightenment---that is, an ongoing spiritual awakening, from one moment to the next … with choiceless awareness of what is.

Having said that, there are a considerable number of benefits that flow from living mindfully, and one of those benefits is an increasing ability to handle, even master, difficult emotions.

Here are some tips for handling emotions, especially ‘hot’ emotions such as anger and bitterness.

First, step ‘outside’ of yourself, so to speak. Imagine, without actually imagining or envisioning this, that you’re not there (that is, with the occurrence of the emotion and its effects). Don’t personalize the emotion. This is simply something you’re watching on a TV screen. Watch ‘it’ as if it were happening to someone else. In the courtroom, the judge often applies the ‘objective bystander’ test, that is, what would an ordinary man or woman think of the situation. However, with mindfulness, you don’t think---at least not in that sense---but you can be that objective bystander more often than you think.

Secondly, look at the emotion. Look at it. Really look at it. Notice. Observe. Feel it---fully---but remember it is just happening. It is not ‘yours’ unless you choose to identify with it---that is, ‘own’ it.

Thirdly---well, I just said it. Don’t identify with the emotion. Apply the ‘objective bystander’ test I referred to above. It really helps. Also, don’t analyze the emotion. Don’t judge it. If you do those things you have well and truly identified with the emotion.


Fourthly--and this is the hard one. Don’t do anything to ‘make’ the emotion go away. (That sounds counterintuitive, doesn't it?) Wait, there's more---don’t fight the emotion in any way. You know why---'whatever you resist, persists.' Right. You see, the more you fight an emotion, the more power you give it, and we need all the power we've got. It’s as simple as that, yet we take a long time to learn that. I often quote this line from J. Krishnamurti, ‘In the acknowledgement of what is there is the cessation of all conflict.’ They are very powerful words---and the spiritual principle behind those words is stronger still. Let it be. Yes, that’s right. Let the emotion be. You see, in order to let something go, you must first let it be. That’s bedrock. It’s metaphysical law. Stop fighting against the emotion. Accept it as it is. In time, the emotion will dissipate. And remember this, no emotion has any power to hurt or harm you unless you choose to identify with it. Now, when you fight against an emotion, you are well and truly identifying with it---you now own it, lock, stock and barrel.

Fifthly, be willing to get on with your life---despite the emotion. In 12-step recovery programs you hear a lot about willingness. Twelve-steppers say, for example, that if you are not now willing (to change, etc), then you’d better start praying for the willingness to be willing. Now, can you be willing---perfectly willing---to go on with your life while this emotion passes through you and in time disappears? Of couse, you can. (You know right now that would be the right thing to do.) The emotion will disappear, you know. Even people who are more often than not bitter and resentful aren’t always bitter and resentful, strange though that may seem. Emotions do come and go, and if we don’t hold on to them, they can disappear quite quickly indeed. So, make a decision to get on with your life. Then do so.

Well, it’s over to you---and all power to you.




Wednesday, June 29, 2011

MINDFULNESS AND SHOPPING ADDICTION

A RESOLVE study has shed light on the use of mindfulness to combat shopping addiction.

Shopping addiction (oniomania), also known as  compulsive buying disorder (CBD), has the elements of both a mental ‘obsession’ and a physical ‘compulsion’ ordinarily associated with an addiction. However, some psychiatrists believe compulsive buying is more indicative of impulse control disorder. Others think it is more indicative of some sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder. Still others view the disorder as an impulsive-compulsive spectrum disorder, while there are some who see it as a mood disorder.

CBD is said to affect an estimated 5.9 (US), 6 (AUS) or 8-16 (UK) per cent of the adult population. There is now a twelve-step program to treat the condition, the program being called, appropriately, Shopaholics Anonymous.

My wife would say that I am a bit of a shopaholic myself when it comes to my regular frequenting of opportunity (thrift) shops and the like in search of that proverbial ‘white elephant’. Unfortunately, our house is now full of white elephants of various kinds and of all shapes and sizes ... in the form of secondhand books (lots of them!), CDs, DVDs, showbiz memorabilia, kitschy ornaments, icons, etc ... nearly all of which have been bought by, yes, yours truly.

CBD is a real problem, and it is often the result of other problems including depression, anxiety and unhappiness in relationships (not to mention boredom and negative emotional states such as anger and self-loathing). People suffering from CBD often have mental problems in addition to depression and anxiety, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, alcoholism or other impulsive behaviours such as a gambling addiction or kleptomania.

‘Retail therapy’, as it is sometimes called, is essentially a form of ‘self-medication’ where the person in question seeks to elevate their mood by rewarding or otherwise compensating themselves for actual or perceived losses or negative emotional states. In time, shopping becomes the person’s main way of coping with stress to the point where they continue to shop excessively even when it is clearly having an adverse impact on other areas of their life (eg finances, familial and other personal relationships, and even physical and mental health).

As with other addictions, finances and relationships are damaged, yet the shopping addict feels unable to stop or even control their spending by the use of will power. (Will power may be able to break a bad habit but never an addiction, the latter being a bad habit with the added elements of mental obsession and physical compulsion, for the will is captive to the addiction. Simple as that. Only 'want power' can open the door to freedom.)

Yes, just like any form of addiction, things can very quickly spiral out of control. From a position of wanting to be in control, the person suddenly finds that they are completely out of control ... indeed, powerless (to use the language of twelve-step programs).

Retail therapy results in guilt and even more negative emotions, and the addictive behaviour can become secretive (‘closet buying’ or ‘closet shopping’) - just like alcohol and drug addiction - with the development over time of that pathological phenomenon known as ‘denial’.

The RESOLVE study sought to test the efficacy of mindfulness as a means of both curbing excessive shopping and attenuating negative emotional states that might otherwise be causing and/or ‘feeding’ the addiction.

It is well-documented that the regular practice of mindfulness can be effective in reducing depression and anxiety and increasing feelings of wellbeing.

Six self-confessed shopping addicts volunteered to learn mindfulness over an 8 week period.

All participants experienced lessening of the depression and anxiety that had driven them to shop, and reported feeling happier and more accepting of themselves.

The participants also reported feeling stronger, more able to understand the triggers for shopping urges, and more able to choose moment by moment whether they would indulge those urges.

Three months after the end of the mindfulness course, depression and shopping levels among those who attended the training had relapsed slightly, but not to the levels at the beginning.


(This blog sets out a simple form of mindfulness sitting meditation.)



RELATED POSTS

GIVING UP SMOKING WITH MINDFULNESS


THE USE OF MINDFULNESS FOR SUBSTANCE USE DISORDERS

 
IMPORTANT NOTICE: See the Terms of Use and Disclaimer. The information provided on this blogspot is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your medical practitioner or other qualified health provider because of something you have read on this blogspot. For immediate advice or support call Lifeline on 13 1 1 14 or Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800. For information, advice and referral on mental illness contact the SANE Helpline on 1800 18 SANE (7263) go online via sane.org

 
 

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

MINDFULNESS, THE "SELF" AND SERENITY



Many, especially those in Twelve-Step Programs, will be familiar with what is known as The Serenity Prayer. The prayer was written by the famous 20th century Protestant theologian Reinhold Niebuhr.

The short form of the prayer (see above) is usually employed but there is also an extended version as well, the wording of which can be found on the link above to The Serenity Prayer. Here is the form of the prayer that is most widely known and used:

Some people have trouble with the word "God". I always say to such people, "As Krishnamurti used to say, 'The word is not the thing'." The word "God" means "God as you understand [God]", and I have come to understand the word as referring not so much to a supposed "Higher Power"---for I dislike that expression as it tends to suggest that there are supposedly "higher" and "lower" levels or orders of reality (which I believe is not the case, on both philosophical and scientific grounds) - but a "power-not-oneself".


I am very grateful, as are many others, to the late Rev. Dr Dilworth Lupton (1883-1972) [pictured above] (for more on him, see here as well as here), sometime minister of the First Unitarian Church (Universalist-Unitarian) in Cleveland, Ohio, and later of Waltham, Massachusetts, who used, and perhaps coined, the phrase "a power-not-ourselves". (I am, of course, aware of Matthew Arnold's oft-quoted "definition" of God as "the enduring power, not ourselves, which makes for righteousness".) See Lupton's sermon "Mr X and Alcoholics Anonymous" delivered on 26 November 1939 when AA was in its very early years. (For those interested, see also my address "Unitarianism and Alcoholics Anonymous".) 
In any event, Step 2 (“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity”) of The Twelve Steps refers to a "Power greater [NOTE: not necessarily "higher"] than ourselves". Also, there are only 2 places (on pp 43 and 100, respectively) in the 4th edition of the "Big Book" of AA---entitled Alcoholics Anonymous---where the actual expression "Higher Power" is used, but there are numerous other places in the book where other expressions are used to refer to the need to find a "power" or simply "Power" (to overcome the problem of "lack of power") and to the "God" of one's own understanding.

I have no difficulty in believing in a "power-not-myself" or a "power greater than myself". Why? Because there is no such thing as "self". Now, I know that is a hard concept for many to grasp, but I firmly believe it to be true.
Dr John Hughlings Jackson (pictured immediately below), who was the founder of the (then known) British School of Neurology, wrote that there is something intrinsically wrong with our notion of the "self". Jackson demonstrated - yes, demonstrated - that consciousness is neither a fixed quantity or quality nor of fixed duration, but simply "something" quite intermittent in nature that undergoes change
moment by moment.


The idea that there is no actual "self" at the centre of our conscious (or even unconscious) awareness comes as a great shock to many (except to Buddhists, who rightly assert not a doctrine of "no-self" but the fact of "not-self", and to various metaphysicians), but it is the view held by most, but not all, neuropsychiatrists, neuroscientists and other like professionals.

The truth is our consciousness goes through continuous fluctuations from moment to moment. As such, there is nothing to constitute, let alone sustain, a separate, transcendent "I" structure or entity. True, we have a sense of continuity of "self", but it is really an illusion. It has no "substance" in psychological reality. It is simply a mental construct composed of a continuous ever-changing process or confluence of impermanent components ("I-moments") which are cleverly synthesized by the mind in a way which appears to give them a singularity and a separate and independent existence and life of their own.
The Scottish philosopher David Hume wrote that we tend to believe that the "self" is real and one because of what we perceive to be the "felt smoothness of the transition which imagination effects between point and point", but all that we are dealing with, he said (as have many others over the years such as Friedrich Nietzsche and Bertrand Russell), is a bundle of experiences which have the illusion of continuity about them. The truth is that the "self" is not an independent "thing" separate from the various aggregates of which we are composed as persons. Indeed, every attempt to postulate or assert the existence of a "self" is self-defeating (hmmm) as it inevitably involves an element of self-identification. (According to Buddhism, there are 5 such aggregates: form or matter, feeling or sensation, cognition or perception, volition or impulses, and consciousness or discernment.)
So what gives us this sense of mental continuity? How does it arise? Russell and others have written that our mental continuity is simply the result of habit and memory. Each one of us is a person in our own right - I am not denying that. However, the person which each one of us is recognizes that there was, yesterday, and even before then, a person whose thoughts, feelings and sensations we can remember today ... and THAT person each one of us regards as ourself of yesterday, and so on. Nevertheless, this "myself" of yesterday consists of nothing more than certain mental occurrences which are later - say,  today - recognized, interpreted and regarded, and, more importantly, remembered, as part of the person - which each one of us is - who recollects those mental occurrences.
Now, let's get back to this supposed "I" (and "me"). Actually, within each one of us there are literally thousands of "I's" and "me's" ... the "I" who wants to go to work today and the "I" who doesn't, the "I" who likes "me" and the "I" who doesn't like "me", the "I" who wants to give up smoking and the "I" who doesn't, and so forth. In his book Esoteric Mind Power Vernon Howard writes about what he calls the "self-divided man" who "consists of dozens of ‘selves’ which fight each other in taking him over for a few minutes at a time." Howard writes:

"Living in a state of psychic riot, he is thrilled one minute and dejected the next. One part of him is a danger to another part. So what can be trusted? Nothing. The self-knowing man has cleared his mental streets of these rioters, leaving him with a whole and healthy mind, which can be trusted completely."

Think about it for a moment ... how can the "self" change the "self", if self is non-existent? It can't. End of story. I love what William Temple (pictured immediately below) had to say about the matter. He said, "For the trouble is that we are self-centred, and no effort of the self can remove the self from the centre of its own endeavour." Therefore, let us free ourselves from all forms and notions of self-identification, self-absorption, self-obsession and self-centredness.

Are you familiar with the Zen koan about the goose in the bottle? The goose grew and grew until it couldn't get out of the bottle. The man didn't want to break the bottle or hurt the goose, but he did want to get the goose out of the bottle. So what did he do? Ponder on that one for a day or two ... but please do not email me for the supposed "answer"! Here's a simpler piece of Zen. A disciple asks,"Master, what is my 'self'?" The master replies, "What would you want with a self?" Indeed.

Now, if we want change - especially positive change - in our lives, we have to rely upon a "power-not-oneself" ... that is, the power of "not-self". Your such power may well be different from mine. That doesn't matter at all ... as long as we realize that the so-called "I", as Krishnamurti used to point out, is simply a habit and a series of words, memories and knowledge ... which is the past. Note that - the past. The "I" and "me" of us - and even the belief (actually, misbelief) "I am I" - are simply brought about by thought ... and thought is always a thing of the past as well.

The Serenity Prayer recognizes the importance of Mindfulness. Let me explain.
The prayer begins with the words, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change". What are those things? Without attempting to give an exhaustive list, here are some of the biggies ... there is no "self" which can change "me" ... I have no power to change myself (my "self") nor other people ... I cannot change the past, and that includes my past actions and my past intentions, as well as the accumulated results (karma, if you like) of those things ... although there is something that can be done about the latter. Thank goodness Mindfulness is all about the present.
The prayer continues with these words ... "courage to change the things I can". What are those things? Again, without attempting to give an exhaustive list, here is perhaps the most important thing of all ... my present and, as a consequence, my future. How? (I know we should never ask "how", but, be that as it may ... .) By being mindful in the present moment ... moment by moment ... and by mindfully making choices in the present ... I can, and will, gain insight and understanding into the person which I am, as well as other persons to the extent that it is possible to truly understand (that is, "get into the mind" of) others. (By the way, insight means seeing the way things really are. Understanding is "learning", which Krishnamurti described as being "movement from moment to moment".)
The short form of the prayer concludes with these words ... "and [the] wisdom to know the difference"? How do we gain that wisdom? (There's that word "how" again!) Well, by means of the regular practice of Mindfulness we gain, as already mentioned, insight and understanding into the person which each one of us is. That insight and understanding brings us wisdom ... NOT book knowledge, but true spiritual (that is, non-material) wisdom.
We are then able to know the difference between, to use some expressions commonly used in Buddhism, what is "wholesome" and "skilful", and what is "unwholesome" and "unskilful", for each of us.
Amen.