TO SEE FAR, FIRST SEE NEAR

'To see far, first see near.’ That is the sound advice of the American spiritual teacher and author Vernon Howard [pictured left], whose books, lectures and talks have helped me greatly along life’s way.

Self-change begins with self-observation. Unless we have insight into our thoughts, feelings, moods and sensations we will stay the same. We may even regress.

Self-observation comes from a mindful attention to, and choiceless awareness of, the content of the present moment, from one such moment to the next. The word ‘content’ refers to both psychological and physical (including bio-physical) content—action both inside of us and outside of us.

In his insightful book Esoteric Encyclopedia of Eternal Knowledge Vernon Howard says:

To see far, first see near. Be mindful of the present moment, for it contains answers about future and past. What thought just crossed your mind? Are you now sitting before me with a relaxed or with a tense physical body? Do I now have your full or partial attention? Come close to home by asking questions such as these. Close questions lead to distant answers.

In those few lines Howard makes three very important points.

First, if we want to come to understand the ‘big’ things of life, we must start with ourselves and the content of our own mind.

Secondly, in order to ‘see near’, that is, gain insight into ourselves and the workings of our mind, we must be ever-mindful of the present moment. After all, the present moment is all that we have. A memory of the past is a present experience. A hope or expectation for the future is a present experience. Everything—and I do mean every thing—occurs in the present moment, and that, my friends, is where knowledge of yourself is to be found.

Listen to these oft-cited words from author and ‘disciple’ P D Ouspensky (In Search of the Miraculous) as he quotes his master George Gurdjieff [pictured right]:

The first reason for man's inner slavery is his ignorance, and above all, his ignorance of himself. Without self-knowledge, without understanding the working and functions of his machine, man cannot be free, he cannot govern himself and he will always remain a slave, and the plaything of the forces acting upon him.

This is why in all ancient teachings the first demand at the beginning of the way to liberation was: ‘Know thyself.’

The third point Howard makes, albeit somewhat indirectly, is this—self-knowledge comes from self-questioning. First, a mindful attention to, and awareness of, the content of the present moment. Then, self-questioning. What am I thinking now? What I am feeling now? What is my pain telling me? Where is this anger coming from? Am I paying attention? Am I aware of my awareness? These are the types of questions you must ask yourself. The answers you will receive—in the form of self-knowledge and insight into yourself—will literally astound you … and in time change you for the better.

Once a Zen master invited questions from his students. A student asked, 'What future rewards can be expected by those who strive diligently with their lessons?' The master answered, 'Ask a question close to home.' A second student wanted to know, 'How can I prevent my past follies from rising up to accuse me?' The master replied, 'Ask a question close to home.' Zen masters often gave that advice to students who ask the 'wrong' question. Actually, it was always the right answer to all their questions--the only right answer. Ask yourself a question 'close to home'. Don't try to solve the big mysteries of life and the universe. It will be more than enough for you--and me--to solve the mystery of ourselves. So, self-knowledge comes from ... asking questions close to home. As Vernon Howard says, 'Close questions lead to distant answers.'

Now, what I am now going to say is important, because some people get the wrong idea about all of this. I am not advocating self-absorption and self-obsession. Like Howard, my goal is to set people free—and most of all, free from themselves. Perhaps paradoxically, self-knowledge leads to freedom, not more self-absorption.

To see far, first see near. Ask a question close to home—right now.

Note. For more about Vernon Howard click here.

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THE ONLY WAY TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE

Have you ever noticed how most of our attempts to change fail? Have you ever asked yourself why this is the case?

We read self-help books, we attend self-improvement courses, we join a yoga or pilates group, we learn to meditate. We have the best of intentions and for a while we seem happier in ourselves but sooner or later something unexpected or unpleasant happens and, wham, we are back to our old selves again---with the emphasis on ‘old selves.’ Yes, all too often any change in us is temporary and skin-deep. This is not surprising. After all, do we not live in a world of makeovers and quick fixes?

Here are a couple of Eastern stories or anecdotes that you might find helpful. I certainly find them illuminative and instructive.

Here’s the first one. A pupil asks his teacher, ‘And how does real change come about?’ Now, if someone asks me a ‘how’ question I usually reply, ‘Don’t ask “how,” for you are asking for a method or technique. Methods and techniques are conditioning, and we need to be de-conditioned.’ Anyway, this teacher was not put off by the pupil’s question.

So, the pupil wanted to know how ‘real change’ comes about. Here’s the teacher’s answer. ‘Through awareness.’ That’s right, we change through awareness. Not through changing our religion, our beliefs, our politics, our appearance, our clothes, or anything else. Through awareness.

‘And what does one do to become aware,’ asked the pupil. (Now, that’s a damn good way of asking the question. This time the pupil didn’t say, ‘How do I become aware?’ That would probably have been too much for the teacher.)

Now, listen to the teacher’s reply. ‘What does one do, when one is asleep, to wake from sleep?’ was his reply.

Here’s another little anecdote on the same point.

‘What is my self, O teacher?’ asked a pupil. The teacher replied, ‘For that you have to learn what is known as “the secret act”.’

‘What is the secret act?’ asked the pupil. ‘This,’ said the teacher, as he closed his eyes and then opened them.

All we succeed by most of our efforts at self-improvement is a change in our behaviour, and even that is usually short-lived. That’s right, our behaviour changes but not ourselves, that is, the person that each one of us is. Real, deep and lasting change only occurs through awareness, that is, self-observation. As I’ve often said---it’s not an original idea of mine---enlightenment means waking up. Yes, waking up. To ourselves, other people, and our world.

Whenever you are choicelessly aware and accepting of life unfolding from one moment to the next, you are in an enlightened state of consciousness. Whenever you resist and oppose what is, whenever you judge others or events, you are anything but enlightened. It’s as simple as that.

Don’t change your ‘self,’ or rather the many ‘selves’ that exist in your mind---for example, the angry self, the frightened self, the anxious self, and so on---but instead learn to change the person that you are. In order to change the person that you are, you must increase in self-knowledge. The latter comes, not from reading books, however helpful they may be, but from self-observation, that is, awareness.

Simply watch and observe your thoughts and feelings as well as your reactions to events with passive detachment, that is, dispassionately. You will learn plenty from so doing. You will see at work all the false selves which you have taken to be the ‘real you,’ that is the person that you are. You may see the ‘frightened self,’ which has arisen in your mind perhaps as a result of overly protective parents. You may see the ‘angry self,’ which perhaps is the result of an ‘egocentric, narcissistic and self-absorbed self’ which insists always on getting its own way and which demands the attention of others at all times.

All these false selves have given you an acquired, invented ‘identity,’ but it is a false identity, that is, an imaginary ‘I.’ These false selves are the result of past thinking and conditioning, but they are persistent little critters that want to hang onto their fake existence. Know this---no matter how persistent and powerful these selves may appear to be, they are only self-images in your mind. Yet there is often strong feeling associated with them such that they can lead us terribly astray.

The ‘real you’ is something altogether different. It is the mind-body complex that we call a person. You are much, much more than those hundreds of little, false selves---all those waxing and waning ‘I’s’ and ‘me’s’---with which you identify, in the mistaken belief that they constitute the ‘real you,’ that is, the person that you are. Only the latter is ontologically real.

Personal freedom and transformation come when you ‘get real,’ that is, when you learn to think, feel, act and live from your personhood as a person among persons. The ‘secret’ is to get your mind off your many false ‘selves’ and rise above them. This, you must do, if you are ever to get real, but you must watch and, for a while, endure your false selves. Yes, endure them. Watch and follow them to their end. Suffer and endure their disturbance until it ends---and most assuredly it will. In time, you will come to see, know and understand where you have gone astray, and with self-knowledge, insight and understanding real psychological change will come naturally to you, as surely as night follows day. Listen to these wonderful words from the American spiritual teacher Vernon Howard: 'The quality of self-insight is the quality of the life.'

Now, close your eyes and open them. That’s the secret act. Literally and metaphorically speaking.

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‘WHAT AM I TO DO WITH MYSELF?’

‘What am I to do with myself?’ said one of my clients to me. Let's call her Mary (not her real name). ‘I feel so helpless,’ Mary said.

My reply to Mary startled her at first, then quickly began to annoy her, and then frustrate her immensely. (I can have that sort of effect on my cIients, not to mention others as well.) I said to her, ‘That’s absolutely wonderful that you feel that way. Now we can get somewhere. I was hoping you would eventually come to feel this way.’

‘What do you mean? What are you talking about?’ Mary retorted. ‘Look,’ I said to her. ‘Feeling helpless, hopeless, and powerless is the foundation stone for real, lasting self-change. Now that you've worked out you're  beaten, you're ready to discover, and then start living from, your real power centre, which is the very ground of your being as a person among persons.’

Well, it took me quite a while to convince her, but Mary is now an entirely new person. She has peace of mind, and her old, tired, worn-out, negative ‘false selves’ have been dissolved. Well, most of them anyway. She is working progressively on the rest of them. You see, Mary is now living, one day at a time, and one moment at a time, from her ‘True Being,’ that is, as the real person that she is.

Pathway in ornamental garden,
Greater Tokyo Area, Japan.

Photo taken by the author.

We use the word ‘self’ in two different senses. Firstly, we use the word to describe the ‘person’ each one of us is---the ‘real you,’ so to speak---and that is a most legitimate use of the word. However, we also use the word to refer to what we mistakenly perceive to be our real identity. Let me explain. We perceive life through our senses and our conscious mind. Over time, beginning from the very moment of our birth, sensory perceptions harden into memories formed out of aggregates of thought and feeling. In time, the illusion of a separate 'witnessing self' emerges. However, the truth is that our mental continuity and sense of identity and existence are simply the result  of habit, memory and conditioning. Also, genetics has a bit to do with it as well. Hundreds and thousands of separate, ever-changing and ever-so-transient mental occurrences harden into a fairly persistent mental construct of sorts which is no more than a confluence of impermanent components (‘I-moments’ or ‘selves’) cleverly synthesized by the mind in a way which appears to give them a singularity and a separate and independent existence and life of their own. The result is a 'self'---or, as we will see, lots and lots of 'selves'---that are little more than bundles of memories from and out of which thought arises, or rather reacts to stimuli whether internal (eg other such bundles of memories, that is, 'I's' and 'me's') or external.

Now, it is through this perception of an internally generated sense of 'self' that most of us ordinarily experience, process and interpret all external reality. For example, if you see yourself as inferior to others, you will invariably find that life takes you at your own estimation of yourself, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself being treated as a doormat. Your every experience will tend to confirm what you fear most---‘I am indeed inferior to others, and others think so, too.’ Ditto if you perceive yourself as full of fear. Your life experience will be one long self-fulfilling prophecy, and you will find yourself identifying with Job in the Bible who uttered those immortal words, ‘For the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me’ (Job 3:25). In other words, we tend to become the embodiment of all the negative self-images we have of ourselves. 

Lake Ashi, Hakone, Japan.
Photo taken by the author.

These negative self-images and misbeliefs, when we identify with them, dominate our daily lives, thoughts, feelings, and actions, operating as some sort of unseen enemy. They haunt and hound us, and rob us of peace of mind and emotional equanimity. The funny thing is these self-images have no power in and of themselves except the power we, the persons that we are, give them by, firstly, our belief in them, and secondly, the attention and time we give them in our mental and emotional life. Who or what is this 'I' or 'me' that is inferior or fearful? Call out to 'it.' Does it answer back? If it does it's more than likely it's another 'I' or 'me' doing the answering. It's all quite tragic ... and silly ... and unnecessary. There is a much better way to live. There is a way out!

Unfortunately, the mental construct of ‘self’---indeed, hundreds of ‘selves,' that is, 'I's' and 'me's,' in the form of our (often negative and destructive) likes, dislikes, attachments, aversions, cravings, habits of thought, prejudices, beliefs, opinions, and so on---which we have each built up over many years by thought and habit, and then reinforced by words spoken as well as memories of the past, imposes severe limitations on how we see life. All too often, life’s experiences are filtered through a distorted lens comprised of the totality of our various self-images. We fail to see things as they really are because of this distorted lens. You see, how you experience what happens to you in life will be determined very largely by your self-image, that is, how you see yourself.

Now, this is the really important part of what I have to say. Your self-image---actually, you have a multitude of self-images in your mind---is not the real person that you are. These self-images, although quite persistent because we choose to identify with them and hold onto them, and mistakenly believe that they are the ‘real me,’ are false and illusory. That doesn’t mean these mental images don’t exist in your mind. No, not at all. It simply means that these images are brought about by memory, and thus thought, and therefore have no separate, independent, and permanent existence in and of themselves from the real person that you are . Get the picture?

Well, I almost hear you ask, as my client did indeed ask as well, 'What can I do about this state of affairs?' The answer is---a lot. 

The first thing to do is to accept that you are a ‘person’---a vital and integral part of life's self-expression. That is what you are. You are not that 'I' or 'me,' whether under the guise of your so-called 'witnessing self,' ‘transcendental self,’ or ‘ego-self’---all of which are essentially the same thing---that are nothing more than the aggregation of the hundreds and thousands of ‘I-moments’ you have manufactured in your lifetime. Nor are you any of the other false selves with which you habitually identify (and thereby perptuate) and which you mistakenly believe to be the ‘real you.’ However, the reality is that this supposed 'real you' is nothing but (to use the words of the Indian spiritual philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti [pictured above left]) 'self-centred activity, the self that is always asserting, the self that demands fulfilment, the self that perpetuates itself through identification, the self that is constantly in action and creating its own centre and therefore isolating itself.'

The second thing to do is to recognize that you are always in direct and immediate contact with internal and external reality---that is, with what is---except when you put barriers between yourself---that is, the person that in truth you are---and reality.

Once you have fully accepted that fact, you can start to live differently. To do that, you need to observe life as if there were no observer. A familiar theme of the Indian spiritual philosopher Krishnamurti was the need for observation 'without the observer.' Why? Because where there is an 'observer' there is a conditioned mind and a conditioned point of view. In other words, where there is an observer, there is a distorting lens which experiences, processes and interprets---and distorts---all that happens in our lives through an amalgam of thoughts, feelings, images, memories, beliefs, opinions, prejudices and biases---all of which is the past and for the most part conditioning. And for goodness’ sake never, never, never try to ‘throw out the window’ or directly expel your ‘false selves.’ That will only drive them more deeply into your mind. ‘What you resist, persists,’ as the saying goes.

I offer no methods or techniques (heaven forbid) for getting rid of your false selves, except to say that self-observation is the key to successful living. It is the ‘handle’ by which you become and live from the reality of your ‘True Being,’ that is, the person that you are. I love these oft-cited words from author P D Ouspensky (In Search of the Miraculous), who is quoting his teacher George Gurdjieff [pictured below right]:

'Self-observation brings man to the realization of the necessity for self-change. And in observing himself a man notices that self-observation itself brings about certain changes in his inner processes, He begins to understand that self-observation is an instrument of self-change, a means of awakening. By observing himself he throws, as it were, a ray of light onto his inner processes which have hitherto worked in complete darkness. And under the influence of this light the processes themselves begin to change.'

You cannot change or reform your false selves, but there is no need to do so in any event. What needs to be done is to ‘dissolve’ your false selves. The first thing to do is to understand the process (an unfortunate word, for it makes it all sound far too mechanical) of formation of the false self/selves. The next thing to do, and keep on doing, that is, practising each day and throughout each day, is self-observation---letting it (whatever it may be) be as it is in you, but being willing for it to move and change.

Self-observation of your thoughts, feelings, and actions as they arise or occur---if undertaken with passive detachment and choiceless awareness (that is, with no judgment, justification, analysis, attitude, comment, interpretation, interference, criticism, or condemnation) of what unfolds as your inner and outer reality from one moment to the next---will in time break down your identification with your false selves as a result of the insight gained from the process of self-observation itself. When you truly observe the process of your thinking, and cease being ‘an observer apart from the observed’ (to use Krishnamurti’s words), which means you see the whole movement of your thoughts, and your feelings, as well as your actions, choicelessly in the sense explained above, then the very act of self-observation puts an end to thought. The result? The false selves are dissolved because they are simply the creation of thought, habits of thought, and conditioning---all of them thought. No thought, no false selves---and over time a psychological mutation occurs that is of tremendous depth and profundity. You have become a light unto yourself. Yes, it’s a wondrous thing to behold. Self-change from self-knowledge from self-observation. (Note. The reference to 'self' in the expressions 'self-change' and 'self-knowledge' is a reference to what we actually are as persons among persons. As to the expression 'self-observation,' the word 'self' has an expanded meaning as described above.)

In some spiritual traditions this whole process is referred to as ‘surrender’ or ‘letting go,’ with the idea that there needs to be a re-surrender and further letting-go whenever one becomes aware of something---in particular, some false self---that is holding us back from fully being the real person that we are. It doesn’t matter what you call it. The only important thing is that you dissolve your false selves through ongoing---yes, it must be undertaken on a progressive basis---self-observation.

I suggest there is no better place to begin than … now! So, start right where you are. Now.

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