SLAVES OF THE ‘I’---EVEN UNTO DEATH

I have written much---perhaps too much---on the unreality on the ‘self,’ but I couldn’t resist sharing this saying, attributed to Shakyamuni Buddha, which I read only recently:

Ye are slaves of the I, that toil in the service of self from morn to night, that live in constant fear of birth, old age, sickness, death, receive the good tidings that your cruel master exists not.

‘Slaves of the I, that toil in the service of self.’ When I think of the legal profession---of which I have been an erstwhile member for almost 35 years---I see so many practitioners who ‘toil in the service of self’ while self-righteously affirming they are doing it for the sake and benefit of their clients. They write aggressive letters to the lawyers for the other party which basically say no more than, ‘My dick's bigger than yours.’

These lawyers suffer so greatly from being in slavery to themselves and their own sense of self-importance. No wonder lawyers are statistically more unhappy than any other people. So many lawyers I have encountered in my working life as a lawyer and legal academic are oblivious to the fact that their clients are generally aware of the childish 'dick' game of one-upmanship constantly being played out before their very eyes---and at such great expense to the clients themselves and the general public, I might add. It’s total ego stuff, through and through, and the same thing can be said for most other businesses, trades and professions---not to mention what goes on in the home and in all day-to-day personal relationships. We are all very good at being disingenuous.

It has been said that when we leave this world we can take with us only what is ours ‘by right of consciousness.’ I am not at all sure that we can take even that ‘with’ us when we go---but I do know that what is ours by right of consciousness will remain for quite a long time as a memory and in the memories of those who remain and who remember, for better or for worse, what we were really like in our lifetime.

Most people have given up conventional religion, and I can readily understand why that is the case. All too sadly, however, the new religion of most people---at least in Western societies---is consumerism, and there is a helluva lot of ‘dick stuff’ associated with that religion! It’s all dick stuff 'from morn to night' with ‘constant fear’ that the so-called good times will come to an abrupt end at any moment, what with the credit cards all maxed out and so forth. And I am not being self-righteous here, for I stand 'guilty as charged' as well.

I read somewhere once that Leonardo da Vinci scribbled in the corner of one of his drawings that he had agonized over for some considerable time, ‘Leonardo, Why toilest thou thus?’ He saw the ultimate futility of all our endeavours. I know. I get the same feeling as I churn out these blogs each week---and I am certainly no Leonardo da Vinci! Far from it.

We all need to slow down and ponder this truth---the ‘cruel master’ for whom we toil in vain does not exist.

‘Why toilest thou thus?’

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The ‘self’ does not exist, even though we try, ever so hard, to convince ourselves [sic] that we actually are those ever waxing and waning ‘I’s’ and ‘me’s’ that parade before us as our consciousness (or 'mental wallpaper') from one moment to the next.

 

Having said that, it is a paradox of immense proportions that, for something which has no independent reality of its own, the non-existent ‘self’ causes us so much damn trouble – because we let it.

 

In my many blogs and other writings I have quoted often these immortal words of William Temple (pictured left), a former Archbishop of Canterbury:

 

‘For the trouble is that we are self-centred, and no effort of the self can remove the self from the centre of its own endeavour.’

 

The ego-self has to be thrown off-centre, and if we wish to be truly happy we must give up all things that stand in the way of our spiritual development – things like bad habits, obsessions, addictions … in fact, all forms of self-obsession or ‘mental furniture.’

 

In the words of Norman Vincent Peale, who for 32 years was the senior minister of Marble Collegiate Church in New York City, each of us must experience ‘a shift in emphasis from self to non-self.’ Each of us needs to find a ‘power-not-oneself,’ but we must be very careful in how we go about this, for as many so-called mystics have found out over the years, the denial of the self tends only to increase one’s obsession with oneself.

 

The answer is not to be found in trying – for starters, never 'try' – to be ‘self-less.’ The key is ‘self-forgetfulness,’ which has this interesting paradox: you can’t pursue it! Can you think of nothing at all? Only if you forget to think. Now there’s a thought!

 

I am reminded of something that the great Christian missionary E Stanley Jones (pictured right) wrote on the subject:

 

‘The only way to get rid of self-consciousness is through God-consciousness. We become so conscious of another Self within us that we lose sight of our own self.’

Many years earlier St John of the Cross had said pretty much the same thing when he wrote that ‘in order to pass from the all to the All, you must deny yourself wholly in all.’

Years earlier still, Jesus – in one of his memorable so-called ‘Zen sayings’ – said that we must lose our ‘selves’ in order to find ourselves (cf Mk 8:35).

I have no more important ‘message’ to share with you.

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TWO SELF-HELP MYTHS THAT MUST BE EXPLODED ONCE AND FOR ALL

Ring bells! Blow trumpets! Today is the first anniversary of this blogsite. I uploaded my first posts on 3 October 2010, and this is my 128th post.

I have always been interested in self-help literature, but there is a lot of rubbish, and even some very dangerous ideas as well, in many self-help books.

Now, the man Dr Norman Vincent Peale (pictured left), and his many writings, sermons and talks, have had an enormous impact on my life, but when I read some of his writings today, I recoil. Take, for example, the first chapter of his monumental best-seller The Power of Positive Thinking. The chapter is entitled ‘Believe in Yourself,’ and the first three sentences of that chapter are as follows:

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.

I must have read those lines hundreds of times over the years ... and they seemed to make sense to me for many years as well. I have even quoted those lines to others including several former students of mine. Although I still endorse much of what Dr Peale wrote and preached in his long life, I no longer think we must ‘believe’ or ‘have faith’ in ourselves or our abilities.

Then there is the whole ‘self-esteem movement.’ Dr Robert H Schuller, whose own ministry and writings have been greatly influenced by the thoughts and writings of Dr Peale, wrote in his book Self-Esteem: The New Reformation, ‘A person is in hell when he has lost his self-esteem.’ Really? I’m not so sure. Please read on.

MYTH ONE: WE MUST BELIEVE IN OURSELVES

We are told that we must believe in ourselves, and have faith in ourselves. Why? How does believing in yourself make any difference to your ability to do X or Y? What you need is knowledge and insight – knowledge of what you can and can’t do, and insight into the person you are.

We are told – especially by proselytizing Bible-believing Christians – that even the most militant atheist has faith in something or someone. For example, we are told that when we board a bus, we are demonstrating that we have ‘faith’ in the driver of that vehicle or in his driving ability. Nonsense. We are simply acting on the knowledge that, statistically, it is more probable than not, but by no means certain, that we will arrive safely at our destination. We then make an assumption – yes, an assumption – that, all things considered, it is ‘safe’ to board the bus. Belief or faith is not required or involved at all.

As I have said, time and time again, people ordinarily believe when they don't know or understand something. Do you believe in God or Jesus? Buddha? Now, I have nothing against God (unless that God be a cruel, tribal or sectarian God) or Jesus, but why believe? Obey? Yes, if you like. Follow? Perhaps. But believe? No!

There is no need to believe anything ... and nothing to believe ... or disbelieve for that matter. Whether or not something is the case does not depend upon belief or disbelief. Forget all about believing and belief-systems. Beliefs are for ‘spiritual cripples’ ... for those who can’t, or won’t, think for themselves. Beliefs, by their very nature, take the form of prejudices, predilections and biases of various kinds. Shakyamuni Buddha referred to beliefs as being in the nature of thought coverings or veils (āvarnas). In other words, beliefs distort reality. Indeed, they prevent us from knowing and experiencing things as they really are. In that regard, I have always found helpful these words attributed to the Buddha: 'Do not believe, for if you believe, you will never know. If you really want to know, don't believe.'

So, forget about ‘believing’ in yourself ... or in anyone else for that matter.

MYTH TWO: WE MUST HAVE A HIGH SELF- ESTEEM

This myth is closely related to the first one, if it doesn’t actually devolve from the first.

For years now, educators and psychologists – especially child psychologists – have spoken of the supposed need to boost children’s ‘self-esteem.’ We in the West have suffered for far too long under that dreadful system of 'self-esteem-based education'.

One of the greatest books ever written is Charles Sykes’ book, Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves but Can’t Read, Write or Add. If you haven't read that book, please do so. As a university lecturer based in Sydney, Australia, I taught law – which is all about the power of the written and spoken word – for almost 20 years, and I was simply appalled at how few of my law students over the years could write a decent English sentence. (The problem got worse as the years progressed.) It wasn't really the fault of the students. It was the fault of a number of silly people in high places in government and educational bureaucracy over the previous 2 or 3 decades who preached that literacy of the supposed 'old-fashioned kind' was unimportant. What was supposedly important was ensuring that every 'precious' student had a 'healthy ego' and was not 'stigmatized' in any way. So, the task of the teacher or lecturer was to 'jolly them [the students] along.' The result? Wholesale mediocrity and narcissism of an almost clinical kind.

Fortunately, the tide has turned somewhat ... but not, so far as I can see, in teaching. However, there is a strong counter-movement – led by psychological giants such as Dr Martin Seligman (pictured left) – against the supposed need for ‘self-esteem.’ All too often in practice, efforts and appeals by psychiatrists, psychologists and motivational speakers and preachers, as well as educators, to 'enhance' or 'boost' the so-called self-esteem of their clients, listeners or students are little more than paternalistic attempts at imposing their own conception of so-called truth upon their hapless 'victims.'

But back to this expression 'self-esteem.' ‘Self’ what? The ultimate, fundamental and bedrock objection to the whole 'self-esteem movement' is this – as I have written so many times before, there is simply no such thing as ‘self,’ so please forget all about such things as so-called ‘self-awareness,’ ‘self-consciousness’ ... and ‘self-esteem.’

True, we have a sense of continuity of a so-called ‘self’, but it is really an illusion. It has no ‘substance’ in psychological reality. 'Self' is simply a mental construct composed of a continuous ever-changing process or confluence of impermanent components (‘I-moments’) which are cleverly synthesized by the mind in a way which appears to give them a singularity and a separate and independent existence and life of their own.

Having said that, I certainly do not deny that there is such a thing as 'esteem.' Let's proceed to look at how 'esteem' and the person that you are are connected or related. We will see that any connection or relation is neither dependent upon nor constituted by the supposed existence of what is otherwise a non-existent 'self.'

Now, how well do you know the person you are? I am not talking about ‘self’ knowledge, but knowledge of, and insight into, the person – note that word person – that you are.

Know this about the person you are. You are a person of inherent worth and dignity. Know that, and never forget it. You are a person among persons. You are a vital part of the interdependent web of all existence. You are, therefore, a person of esteem ... no matter what others may think of you. (And what they think of you is none of your business, anyway.)

I repeat, you are a person of esteem. It is part and parcel of being human ... and part of the very livingness of life. Is that not amazing? Esteem is something you are. It is not something you 'have' or must 'develop.' Now, having regard to those facts, know that you can truly be the person you want and will to be. Note, I have not used the word ‘self’ or 'ego' (heaven forbid) in any of that ... because there is simply no need to.

The whole concept of so-called 'self-esteem' is fundamentally flawed in more than one respect. Even if it were not, I would still reject the concept on the basis that it is far too focused on 'thoughts' and 'thinking' as opposed to such all-important things as awareness (cf mindfulness) and action. The cure for so-called 'low self-esteem' is this – act as a person of esteem. We have William James (pictured left) to thank for the 'act as if' principle. In his words, 'If you want a quality, act as if you already had it.'

Yes, I am aware that there are such things as 'learned helplessness' and 'self[sic]-defeating behaviour,' but they are things which can be overcome – over time – by means and as a result of the regular practice of mindfulness and associated disciplines and, in some cases, with the assistance of professional help from persons trained in the psychological sciences.

Now, mindfulness meditation is also referred to as ‘insight meditation.’ That’s what we need above all other things – insight. Mindfulness, as a way of being and living, gives us insight into the person each one of us is ... and insight into our respective thoughts, feelings, memories, images, bodily sensations, and so forth. Of course, insight alone never changes anything, but without insight you can’t change for the better. Armed with knowledge of the person you are, and insight into the workings of the person you are, you will be both successful and happy ... provided you get rid of your ‘self’ ... and your 'ego-itis.'

'Self-esteem'? There's really no such thing, and that means there is also no such thing as 'good' or 'high' self-esteem. Now, this is all you need to know – you are a person of esteem ... no matter what you have done, or not done, in your life. Know that ... and act accordingly ... but please don't believe.

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What good is mindfulness if it doesn’t make any difference in one’s practical living? In the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous it is written, ‘The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it.’ Yes, one day at a time.

Here are 10 'commandments' for making mindfulness a practical reality in one’s daily life:

1. Live one day at a time ... and one moment at a time. Most of our problems arise because we try to do more than that. All religions and spiritual philosophies teach the importance of living one day at a time ... indeed, one moment at a time. It is the only sensible way to live. Remember, at this very moment you are creating your tomorrow.

2. Do one thing at a time ... and forget about ‘multitasking’. Follow the advice of Saint Paul who said, ‘This one thing I do’ (Phil 3:13 [KJV]). Zen says the same thing. When you’re washing the dishes, just wash the dishes. Do nothing else. Think of nothing else. Just wash the dishes. Ditto when you’re eating, walking, etc. It’s that simple! Now, take a look at the picture of the woman (pictured immediately below). With her multiple arms and hands she looks like a modern day Ganesha! Pitiful! Just like so many of us. Despite what you may have been told, the brain can only ‘think’ one thought at any given moment in time, and can only handle one cognitive function at a time. So-called ‘multitasking’ is nothing other than ‘switch-tasking’, that is, toggling between one task and another ... each time with a startup cost. Multitasking makes us feel efficient but actually slows down our thinking, erodes our attention, and makes us more stressed out, depressed and less able to connect with others.

3. Be ever mindful of your thoughts and feelings. Note, especially, any negative thoughts or feelings of anger, hostility or resentment. Don’t identify with those thoughts and feelings. See them for what they really are – a passing stream which you merely observe ... and observation itself is an instrument of change. Don't judge or condemn yourself for the presence of any such thoughts or feelings. Simply note what is going on, and gain insight into what is happening in, and as, you. Do not mechanically go along with negative thoughts and feelings that arise. Impersonalize those thoughts and feelings ('There is anger,' as opposed to 'I am angry.') By bringing misery and anguish up to full awareness, you destroy their supposed 'power' over you ... for awareness brings understanding.

4. Practise being relaxed throughout the day. Take a few seconds every few minutes to be inwardly still. Mindfully note any tension which may have developed in your mind or body. Let that tension flow away. Imagine it passing down through your body, through your feet, and right into the ground or floor. Sprinkle one-minute periods of calm and quiet throughout your day ... and prefer quietness and silence to noise! Inhale and exhale three long, deep breaths at regular intervals throughout the day. Relax the mind by imagination and creative visualization. Mentally ‘take a trip’ ... but not when, say, you are driving a motor vehicle or operating heavy machinery!

5. Practise emptying the mind at regular intervals throughout the day. Simply let go of all negative thoughts and feelings. Say to yourself, ‘I am now emptying my mind of all anxiety [or fear/anger/resentment, etc].’ Drain the mind of all impure thinking, and do not carry the day into the night. Do not identify with anything. You will cease to suffer when you refuse to identify with anything negative. Remember this – insight and understanding, combined with a sincere desire for positive change, destroy painful negatives.

6. Meditate for at least 15 minutes at least once during the day. (I find first thing in the morning and later in the evening best for me, but do what works best for you. As the Buddha said when explaining to the Kalama tribespeople what was his authority, ‘Let experience be your guru. If what I say accords with that, accept it, if not, discard it.’)

7. Accept the inevitable. Shit happens. Life is hard, and often unfair. Certain inevitabilities occur in human experience, and those who overcome adversity have generally learned how to get along with the inevitable.

8. Choose to be happy. Yes, happiness, which is formless, is a choice. As my mentor Dr Norman Vincent Peale often said, we are all in the ‘manufacturing’ business, that is, we manufacture either our own happiness or our own unhappiness by the thoughts we habitually think ... regardless of what happens to us! And never forget this spiritual truth – it is impossible to be unhappy in the present moment, for all unhappiness is rooted in either the past (in the form of memories) or the future (in the form of anticipations and fears). In the words of Alan Watts, 'all ego-centric action has an eye to the past or the future'. If you live completely in the present moment, 'letting the past and the future drop out of mind', the ego will drop away with them. Hence, mindfulness is the way to freedom (that is, happiness).

9. Get your mind off yourself. Many of our problems ‘die from neglect’ when we focus on others rather than ourselves. Self-centredness, self-obsession, self-absorption – so many maladies of mind and body result from these things! Learn from the Buddha. There is no ‘self’, so why give this damn imaginary thing so much power over the person you are? Get outside your self. Get out of your own way ... for your own good. In the words of Vernon Howard, 'Life is real only where you are.'

10. Never forget that all things pass. Yes, everything is impermanent, including you. Very few people on their deathbed wish they had spent more time at the office. Life is short. Seize the day!

(This previous post of mine sets out a simple form of mindfulness sitting meditation.)

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THE PERSON WHO USED TO BE YOU

I remember seeing a TV show more than 25 years ago in which the unforgettable Patti Page (pictured opposite, and below) sang a song "The Person Who Used to Be Me,"* good-humouredly contrasting her then present self with black-and-white images of a much younger Page projected on a screen behind her. I understand she has sung that song at many concerts since. Here are some of the lyrics:

Who is that person on the screen?

It is someone I am sure that I have seen.

Though it's been so very long

And I could be very wrong

To believe that the face I see
Is the person who used to be me.

Do you really think you are the same person you were 5 years ago ... 10 years ago ... 20 years ago? Well, in one sense you are, but in another sense you are an altogether different person in body and mind. Even your sense of self this very moment is different from that of even 10 minutes ago, let alone 10 or more years ago. Your sense of self is undergoing constant change as a result of every new experience.

Each one of us is a person who recognizes that there was, yesterday, and even before then, a person whose thoughts, feelings and sensations we can remember today ... and THAT person each one of us regards as ourself of yesterday, and so on. Nevertheless, this "self" of yesterday consists of nothing more than certain mental occurrences which are later remembered as part of the person who recollects them. Never forget that.

Here is a short "sense of being meditation" which I penned many years ago. It is designed to assist you in the task of dis-identifying with “the self”:

I am a person who has a body, but I am not that body.
I am a person who has a brain, but I am not that brain.
I am a person who thinks thoughts, but I am not those thoughts.
I am a person who feels feelings, but I am not those feelings.

I am a person who senses sensations, but I am not those sensations.
I am the reality of me ... the person who I am.

I am not my sense of self ... the false and illusory "I's" and "me's" which well up and later subside within me ... from one moment to the next.

Yes, I am a person ... a person among persons ... a vital part of life’s self-expression.

So, who is this “I” which is ... and is not? It is the person that you are ... not some supposed centre of consciousness from which all things are a matter of observation. You are a person who sees, thinks, feels, senses, acts ... More accurately, you are a person in which there occur, from moment to moment, the various activities of seeing, thinking, feeling, sensing, acting ... Is that not enough for you?

* “The Person Who Used to Be Me”: [from] Here's TV Entertainment / lyric by Buz Kohan; music by Larry Grossman. Fiddleback Music Publ. Company, Inc. & New Start Music. 1983. PAu000584524 / 1984-02-03.

Postscript. Sadly, since I originally wrote and published this post, Miss Paige has passed on. She left us on January 1, 2013, at the age of 85. Rest in peace, dear one. IEJ.

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